K. Loughton
I spent the majority of my life not knowing who I was; I thought there was something wrong with me. I didn’t have any connections or examples to help me figure out my own identity. This made my journey of self-discovery incredibly long and over complicated.
My experimentation with identity started on the internet — which is not the most reliable source, especially back then. I started to say I was a member of the 2SLGBTQIA+ community when I was ten years old. I didn’t think I was gay, I simply said that because I had seen people claiming that the A in the acronym stood for ally. While some people have used it to protect closeted folks from being outed, I had never seen it portrayed in that context. That framing, which still happens today, is incredibly harmful as it erases asexual, aromantic, and agender identities. This appropriation of the A prevented me from fully exploring my identity before I could even begin.
Eventually I stopped referring to myself as being a part of the acronym as an ally; but then I started struggling with my identity. I felt different, I couldn’t figure out who I was. I shifted between multiple labels: was I a lesbian because I didn’t like men like I was “supposed” to? Was I bisexual because I think about both men and women equally? Nobody talked about asexuals or aromantics, and it’s not as if they’re a rarity. For instance, asexuals make up one percent of the population (Bogaert, 2012). It may sound like a small percentage, but it’s a considerable amount of people. Despite that, everything I interacted with was centred around the who you like, not the if.
Thankfully, I did figure out who I was; my journey brought me right back to the A. I cannot stress enough how important it is to have discussions about gender identities and sexual orientations. It’s not about creating labels to shove people into boxes, but to create landmarks to help people orient themselves within the world. I want a world where people can see themselves reflected in the environment around them: a world where they know they’re not alone.
L. Schneider
As a bisexual woman, I have experienced the reality of having your love be mocked. When there isn’t an underlying attempt to fetishise bisexual women, we are told our sexuality is a phase, or merely a passing trend. The lack of accurate representation for our community has led to many individuals believing that bisexuality is an excuse to be sexually greedy, arguing that we must pick a side. “People might erase bisexuality because many think in stark, black-and-white terms. Rigid ways of thinking lead many to assume that someone is straight, gay, or lesbian, disregarding gray space between those identities.” (Murphy, C., 2024, para. 13). Bisexuality is not equivalent to identifying as half heterosexual and half homosexual, but rather a spectrum. Because of the fluidity of the identity, bisexual people do not always fit into the binary societal norm. Speaking from my own experience, bisexuality is often dismissed by both homophobic and queer individuals.
Bisexuality is considered to be less queer than other 2SLGBTQIA+ identities because we have the privilege of masking within a heterosexual relationship. As a result, there are many ongoing debates on if bisexual people have the right to reclaim the derogatory terms that other queer individuals do. While I am currently in supportive heterosexual relationship, that doesn’t erase the fact that I am still attracted to women. This introduces the question: who determines the threshold of queerness?
In a world dominated by binary gender norms, it is important to acknowledge and celebrate these gray spaces. Misinformation is rampant, and people often distort reality. By allowing bisexuals, as well as other 2SLGBTQIA+ identities to share first-hand accounts, we can foster a more inclusive and informed community.
Refrences
- Anthony F. Bogaert. (2012). Understanding asexuality. Rowman & Littlefield Publishers.
- Murphy, C. (2024). What Is Bisexual Erasure—and How Does It Affect Health? Health. https://www.health.com/mind-body/lgbtq-health/bi-erasure